Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Nobody Told Me It Would Hurt Like This

Writing has always been very therapeutic for me, which is one reason why I named this blog "Just Another Place To Escape." It's where I can release my thoughts in a somewhat productive (and sometimes not-so coherent) form.

I guess I've always been one to hold my emotions inside; only letting them burst at the last second. My brother has never had a problem sharing somewhat details of his life with us, but when it came to me I would always keep things kind of locked up. It's surprising really, considering that I'm a writer for a living, have a Type-A personality, and enjoy talking to people. But the truth is, my true feelings only come out on paper (or the world wide Internet), when hanging out with the girls, or when I have a breakdown and can't stop crying.

Which brings me to today.

Today it hit me that Kenny's leaving. Like leaving the country, and won't get to hear his voice or see him for several months, leaving. It's hard and it sucks. A lot. I'm sure it seems strange to a lot of people that I'm sad that my boyfriend, whom I rarely get to see anyway because we're doing a long distance relationship, is being deployed. The truth is, I'm not scared about him deploying, I'm just sad. And it sucks, because with the exception of my cousin, nobody I know has really been through what I'm going through. Nobody can tell me that everything is going to be OK because they've been there and done that.

So here's the thing that almost set the water works off today (I say almost, because the crying didn't start until I sat down, shut the door, and turned the ignition on in my car after work. Oh, and when my mom and I were in the kitchen later making dinner).

If you've been reading then you know my fiasco with buying a plane ticket to go see Kenny. It was ridiculous, but I bought it and am scheduled to fly out this Thursday and come back the morning of the 23rd. We both knew that he was scheduled to leave on Monday, June 23 in the afternoon. We also knew that it was a "plus or minus one day" scenario.

Not really a problem though. I mean, they wouldn't make everyone leave on a weekend, right?

Wrong. Kenny told me today he's leaving on this Sunday. SUNDAY.

Luckily he has an amazing friend out there who said he and his wife wouldn't mind me staying with them Sunday night and taking me to the airport on Monday morning. But still. That just took out 24 hours that I won't get to see my boyfriend. My mom thinks I should come home on Sunday morning, and right now Kenny and I are leaning towards that idea.

Just gotta rip the band-aid off, let it hurt for awhile, and have my mom be there to make it feel batter.

*Deep Breath*

2 thoughts:

Your Mom said...

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much.
You know I am there for you.
Love
Your Mom

JennaRenee said...

Jess--I don't quite know what you are going through, but I am always here to listen (or read) and help in any way I can. This is a true test of the strength of your bond with each other and God truly knows what he is doing. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. I love you, and I am here for you.

 
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